Originally published on Little Old Lady Comedy (March 2019)

In 2016 ____________(proper name of anyone in Trump campaign) colluded with operatives _________(surname ending in “ovich”/ “chenko”/ “lova”) to disparage ______ (presidential candidate other than Trump) through false messages on _________(social media platform). They reached a significant number of Americans and incited MAGA crowds to rabidly chant _____ ____ __(three-word phrase). The interference operation was referred to as “Project _____(Russian food). Other defendants ________(proper name of anyone in Trump campaign) repeatedly lied to ________(legislative or judicial body) about the interference and the plans to build something called “Trump ______”(large thing). One of Trump’s ______(family member) also gave false information about a meeting in which secret information from ________(grantee of political asylum) about ______(Trump enemy) would reveal 100,000 embarrassing ______(things that leak). The ________(federal agency with 4-letter acronym) prohibits campaign officials from accepting __________(types of bling) or _________(kinds of money) from foreign nationals. Defendants wanted to interfere with ______ (political process verb ending in “ing”) and the right to _________(verb). We have also found that ____________(proper name of anyone within 50 feet of Trump) interfered with ___________(something you thought you had total control over) and did great damage to the integrity of ____________(something you, a naïve citizen, totally took for granted that no one would ever mess with).

There is also evidence that President ___(number less than 46 more than 44) also known as Individual Number ___ (more than zero less than two) paid off _______(proper name of porn star) to keep quiet about ______(sex verb ending in “ing”) her. We also have absolutely no proof that _________(proper name of any of Trump’s wives) really gave a shit about it. We also have no proof that anyone ________(past tense bodily function) on anyone else on purpose.

There is probably enough evidence to sentence __________ and _________(proper names of anyone who breathed the same air as Trump) to serve ______(number over 50) years in prison. There is also evidence of colluding with _______(fanatical dictator) of _______(enemy of the United States).

P.S. I am really glad this report is finally finished and I would now would like to relax with a cold Miller Lite somewhere in _______(nice little country that is U.S.-friendly or maybe Hawaii but definitely not Palm Beach).